So the piles of laundry are on the floor again.
You have to remind the offender once more about using the laundry bin rather than the floor. Yet, what happens now, you rightly wonder? Could it, would it really make any difference?
There is yet another empty toilet roll nestled in a corner in the bathroom. How should you respond? Should you vent with anger? Maybe laugh out loud hysterically?
It can seem like that you are caught in a cycle of reminding, and facing the same habitual behaviours again and again, with little positive turn around.
How can you find a way through it, without feeling undermined and as if your blood pressure is going to be constantly high?
There ARE going to be times, as we nurture and grow children, when we feel like a broken record. There ARE going to be times, when the man we married and agreed to partner with for life does something that we feel lets the side down. There ARE going to be times when instead of feeling like there are two adults and two children, it feels rather like it is instead ONE adult and THREE children.
Finding a way to deal with the frustration, plus the resulting irritation, and what can feel like a constant conflict of wills, helps us cope better in the heat of the moment. It will enable us to keep ENJOYING our home life experience with all it's ups and downs. It will prove to be more constructive, than destructive, when it comes to the relationships involved.
Here are 7 steps that may provide just what you need, to cope with those very things that vex and exasperate, on the home-making front.
Cool down before you dialogue with the offender. As much as you want to go in with all your guns blazing and vent loud and strong, DON'T. Going in with lots of anger evident as you approach the individual concerned, is going to make it very difficult for them to respond favourably, to what you actually want them to address and change. Cool down. Guard the tone of your voice and dialogue calmly.
Keep your focus. Bringing up every little past offence, while addressing the current offence, is not going to make the person receptive to what you actually want to dialogue and resolve currently. Keep it short. Keep it on point. Let it go.
Objectively deliver the appropriate consequence. Resolve the current situation by having those responsible take the lead in rectifying what has occurred. Picking up and cleaning up yourself may seem to take less time, however it will keep everyone on a path of undesirable habitual behaviour. Those responsible are to take action and be accountable for the change needed.
Dialogue about an alternative plan for the future. Ask open ended questions in order to engage the individual in seeing a better alternative action next time. How could you have acted differently? What would be the outcome? Why would this be a good alternative? Rather than a lengthy directive delivered by yourself, this will ensure they are clearly aware of what is a more desirable action because it was self determined and self regulated.
Re-group. A calm dialogue and objectively overseeing things back to the desired plan of action will provide everyone concerned with the ability to have their integrity left intact. Plus, it will keep at the forefront the greater picture and the desired and determined goal (for example: The laundry bin system for collecting dirty laundry).
Let it go. Consciously choose to move yourself away from that particular area or room as best you can, and choose to not keep dwelling on the fraction that occurred there. Yes, it was extremely annoying and irritating, however all parties need to move on. Go for a short walk when you can, if it will help you to dissipate any lingering annoyance you sense is still present. Take time-out. Head into the garden....... grab yourself a delicious aromatic cup of tea....... Let it go!
Re-direct your focus. Consciously choose to redirect your thoughts to something that appeals to you and feeds you soul. If irritation wishes to persist in snapping at your heels, direct those heels to go somewhere else!
If the dirty laundry pile was in the bathroom, head to the kitchen and get that toasted sandwich made!
If the little offender who has yet to master the proper use of the bathroom proves to annoy you on sight, take everyone off for an hour to the local park where they can climb the jungle gym to their hearts content and you can soak in the sun and take some deep breathes!
Overall, keep things in perspective. The bigger picture will be achieved, it just takes time to paint it.
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